"Dark" by Jack Lugar

Go ahead.  Take it.  Use it however you want.  I give you permission to put on your eye patch, peg leg, and parrot and pirate away.

I’m not afraid of my work being stolen.  Why?  Not because it won’t happen, but because it will and there’s not much anyone can do about it.  Sure we can sue, but who’s really going to benefit from that?  You’re right… the lawyers.  And what group most often benefits from new legislation?  You’re right again. The lawyers.  And that’s what SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) and PIPA (Protect IP Act) would open the door to -  lawyers benefiting from more nebulous, poorly written legislation.

I worked in the entertainment industry for over 15 years and spent 12 of those in Los Angeles.  On several occasions, I knew or was pretty sure my work had been stolen.  However, I didn’t really have good proof, so I just moved on to my next project.

Even today, despite the fact that I no longer live in L.A., I still learn about new instances of my intellectual property being stolen.  Recently, I was talking to a friend about a pitch I’d made for Curb Your Enthusiasm, which dealt with Cheryl being diagnosed with kidney disease and Larry being a perfect match.  If you know the show, Larry would not be a person willing to give his kidney to anyone… even his wife.  I was relating the story recently because we were talking about the show I felt it was a great idea.  After I told my friend, she responded, “Oh, they did something like that with Richard Lewis’s character needing a kidney.”

I was floored.  I did a little research and discovered that the series of shows aired about a year after I pitched the idea.  I have other examples like this, but this one was the most blatant.  Maybe it was an innocent mistake.  They read the idea, passed and then later thought they came up with it on their own.  It happens.  However, I do know they read it because they requested the pitch through my agent at Gersh and then rejected it.

The irony is that big studios “take” creative work all the time, yet cry all the time about others taking their work.  Obviously we want to stop or at least minimize piracy, but when legislation like SOPA and PIPA appear, we need to put on the brakes and rethink the purpose.  Those in support, claim that piracy can cause the loss of hundreds of thousands of jobs.  On the other hand, giving courts the ability to shut down legitimate online businesses without as much as a trial would be even more devastating.  That’s the denial of liberty.

So go ahead and steal this post.  Use it however you want.  I’m good with it.  I’d rather take that risk than the risk of more our freedom being taken by our government.

The only thing more appropriate for the online protest by many of the major internet companies would have been for the internet to go dark in protest over SOPA and PIPA on Speak like a Pirate Day.  Then we all could have said a few “Arrghs” and “Avast ye mateys” as we let Congress know our thoughts about their potential, over-reaching legislation.

Photo by Nadja von Massow

I said it almost a year ago.  And then I said I told you so a couple months ago. Now I can say I really told you so.  This one can be filed under the “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” category.  Right after the Golden Globes faded to black and everyone started clamoring about how offensive Ricky Gervais was as the host of the often disregarded awards show I said that he would be back as the host again this year.  A couple months ago, they made the announcement of his return while pretending to be trepidatious.

Here’s what I wrote on January 20, 2011:

Don’t be fooled for a minute.  All this hubbub about whether Ricky Gervais went too far with his jokes while hosting the Golden Globe Awards is pure Hollywood.  We all know the saying, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.”  Well, this is one case where the saying is proven true.

Who was really offended by what Gervais said? The Hollywood Foreign Press Association?  Bruce Willis?  Mel Gibson?  Angelina Jolie?  Okay, maybe some of these people were a little hurt by Gervais’ comments, but so what?  Famous people are always subject to criticism.  Especially in the form of insulting jokes.  And when you hire someone like Ricky Gervais, what else would you expect?  You’d expect a guy who doesn’t give  a rip about the Hollywood establishment, to rip the Hollywood establishment.

And the Golden Globe Awards are the biggest beneficiary of Gervais’ outlandish, insulting performance.  I can’t remember the last time I watched the Golden Globes.  I couldn’t name past hosts, presenters, or winners.  For years the Golden Globes has been irrelevant.  While people would say that the Globes was a gauge for the Oscars, rarely did the winners of The Globes ever predict the winners of the Oscars.  So what has been the public opinion of the Golden Globes?  It’s been a resounding – SO WHAT!

Until now.  When was the last time anyone was still speaking about The Golden Globes a week later?  Thanks to Gervais’ outrageous behavior, all the news channels are still talking about The Globes.  Gervais is doing interviews on CNN.   If you type “Ricky” into Google, Ricky Gervais is the first choice to pop up.  Gervais has not only made The Golden Globes relevant for the first time in years, he has upped his star power too.  Sure he created The Office and HBO’s Extras, so he isn’t a no name, but until now I would not have said Gervais was a household name.  However, after his performance last Sunday, even the casual TV viewer may know the name Ricky Gervais.

So who’s really upset about Ricky Gervais going off on the Hollywood elite?  No one.  The Globes couldn’t afford to pay for this type of publicity.  So don’t be fooled by all the media hype over Gervais going too far.  I’ll go on the record right now that if Gervais is willing to come back as a host next year, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association will be glad to have him.  And next year, I may actually watch.

So here we are less than a week away from the “big” event and Mr. Gervais is set to host.  Surely you’re not surprised.  Obviously, I’m not.  And I really just may watch.  We all know Mr. Gervais will push the limits.  In fact, I would guess that he’ll push it a little further this year and the powers that be will act offended and pretend to have been caught totally off guard considering all the safety precautions they implemented.  And then… Mr. Gervais will be back again in 2013 ready to offend again.  Hollywood loves sequels.

Photo by Maggie Mudd

I’ve decided that pickles are going to be the next big thing.  The next “bacon” if you will.  Why not?  Bacon’s had a very nice run and still tastes yummy, but why not pickles now?

Pickles are more complex in flavor and take a more mature palette than bacon.  Also, they’re a little friendlier to the heart and its network of arteries and vessels.  My daughter, Cali, thinks they are just the coolest thing ever… although she won’t eat them… yet.  But I think pickles are about to really break through the way bacon did a few years back.  In fact, I’m pretty sure you can do just about as much with a pickle as you can with bacon.  Maybe more.

Plus, 5,200,000 pounds of pickles are eaten in the U.S. every year.  That’s nine pounds per person!  Top that bacon! Okay, I’m sure bacon can top that, but bacon’s heavier to begin with.

Here are some of the great things about pickles:

• Pickle juice cures muscle cramps.  And you can have it on hand for all your sports events.
• Pickles may prevent scurvy.  Now that will come in handy.
• You can make milkshakes with pickles.
• Pickles are green.
• You can fry pickles.  Have you ever tried pickle chips?
• Shakespeare favored the pickle and used the word as a metaphor:
  • Oh, Hamlet, how camest thou in such a pickle? (Act 5, Scene 1)
  • Tis a gentle man here a plague o’ these pickle-herring! How now, sot! (Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 5)
  • What say you?  Hence, Horrible villain! or I’ll spurn thine eyes like balls before me; I’ll unhair thy head; Thou shalt be whipp’d with wire and stew’d in brine, Smarting in lingering pickle.  (Anthony and Cleopatra, Act 2, Scene 5)
• Pickles are nonexclusive.  They make themselves available to all religious communities unlike bacon (mainly because pickles don’t have hooves).
• Pickles are phallic.
• Come to think of it, you can pickle bacon.  Why you would want to, I don’t know, but you can. I’m pretty sure you can’t bacon pickles.

Ultimately, the word pickle is funnier than the word bacon.  Yes, they are both funny words according to the theory that words with the k sound are funnier than other words, but pickle ranks even higher on the funny scale because of the “ick” sound.  Let’s face it, “ick” is funnier than “ake.”  Right?  Just saying the word pickle should bring a smile to your face.  And I know from my comedy writing work, pickle is a go to word.  When all else is failing for a comedian, the three go tos are sex, cussing, and the word pickle.

So join me as I make this the year decade of the pickle.  It’s time has come.

When I created this blog, I had the idea of using it as a tool to develop my writing.  I didn’t have a specific plan or focus for it.  I just wanted to see what ideas came to my head and then translate them into something that might more often than not be entertaining to read.  The biggest challenge for me in blogging has been finding a little extra time between work, family, and my other creative endeavors.

Now I’m taking on something even bigger over the next several months that will take me away from my normal blogging.  That’s not to say I won’t be posting here, but the tone will most likely be a bit more serious.  For several years, even while working in Hollywood as a producer and writer, I have envisioned myself taking on a role in politics.  One of my motivations for going to law school was to have a better understanding of the legislative process and the drafting of such legislation in order to pursue a legislative position.

Recently the question was asked of me whether I’d ever thought of running for Congress.  I laughed because I thought my friend had been talking to my wife, who had been encouraging me to throw my hat in the ring for many years.  Quickly, I discovered that there had been no conversation.  Instead it was a sincere question.  And I responded, “yes.”

So here I am today.  I’m throwing my hat in.  Today I am announcing my bid to run for the U.S. House of Representatives in the 5th Congressional District of Indiana.  I believe the next several months will be one of my greatest, most challenging adventures.  One that I have prepared myself for, however not like the typical politician.  I have worked in several industries, dealt with opposing viewpoints, owned small businesses, and overcome impending failure to achieve success.  I’m in this to win.  And that’s what I plan to do.

You can find out more about my Congressional bid by visiting my campaign website at http://www.LugarforCongress.com.  I hope you’ll join me, my family, and friends on this adventure by donating or volunteering.

I was a very proud dad last weekend.  I was also pleasantly surprised.

My 12 year-old daughter came home from school earlier this spring asking Elisabeth (her mom) if she could enter a pageant that was happening this summer.  That was a bit of an interesting request considering that she really had not shown a lot of interest in anything pageantry related.  Getting dressed up had never really been high on her list and spending time on her hair always came with a groan.  Elisabeth was eager to help our daughter prepare for the pageant because she too had appeared in a few in her youth.  I guess it’s in our daughter’s blood.

While I’ve never been a big fan of the beauty pageants we see on TV nor the toddlers being all dolled up and paraded in front of the cameras, I decided to take a supportive role and mostly stay out of the way.

The pageant that my daughter was entering was by National American Miss (NAM).  Being 12 years old, she was in the pre-teen category which was a no make-up age group. And even though I’m not opposed to girls exploring make-up at this age, it was nice to see that this pageant wasn’t solely based on glamming up little girls to see who could look like the most outlandish tramp.  This is not to say that the girls didn’t make up for some of that with ringlet curls, gallons of hairspray, and pricey ball gowns.

I was pleasantly surprised by the event because I felt that the pageant really gave my daughter and every other girl there a platform.  They each had the opportunity to speak in front of a large audience.  They each learned how to walk with their head up, shoulders back, smile, and show confidence in front of a crowd.  I recently read that 75% of all people have speech anxiety.  So what a great opportunity this was to teach my daughter how to be confident when speaking to hundreds of people.

It was a proud moment to see her take the stage in her beautiful dress and take another step toward becoming a lady.  It was just yesterday that I was changing her diaper.  While the cost of the event was extremely pricey (I’d say we spent close to $1000 by the time it was over), I think the long term benefits will be a quality return on our investment.

Did my daughter win? No.  She was able to walk away with a couple trophies, but more importantly, she had the opportunity to see what she could accomplish with focus, effort, and her God given talent.  So, as I said, it was a very proud moment for me.

This is a repost of what I wrote last year at this time. It may be a year later, but they put the sign back up, so this post still holds true.

Something’s wrong here.  Why is it when fireworks should be selling like hotcakes, stores are offering “buy one get five free deals?”  Usually, at the holidays, the corresponding products are overpriced with no discounts to be found.   At Valentines Day, roses are a ripoff as well as that box of candy.  As Easter approaches, the baskets, plastic eggs, and candy are all top dollar.  It’s only after the holiday when the prices drop.

So what gives with fireworks?  How can the store give five away after someone pays for only one?  There’s only one logical conclusion.  They’re ripping us off.  Now, as I see it, buying fireworks is already a waste of money.   Literally, your money goes up in smoke.  But the price of that one has to be way off the chart compared to its manufacturing and marketing cost.

While I prefer good old discounts like 25% off or even better 50% off, even a BOGO deal sounds more legit than “buy one get five free.”  (Here’s my BOGO rant.)  But once you start offering five with a purchase of one, it should trigger a question of how much are they over charging for the one?  Right?  They didn’t make the five “free” fireworks for nothing.  They have to pay for that somehow.  So either the free fireworks are duds or very boring, or they are not really free.

I hate stupid promotions such as these.  I hate BOGO, but I hate this one even more.  I guess I hate it because it plays to human gullibility.  Everything about it says the retailer is lying, which only makes me mad.

So what’s the limit?  Why sell one and give five away.  Why not go one better?  Sell one and give six away?  It’s like Six Minute Abs.  Why not Five Minute Abs?  So I propose that the fireworks sellers go all out and cut everyone a real deal.  BUY ONE GET A BILLION FREE! Sure, that first firework is really expensive, but the other billion fireworks are a steal!

Back in 2006 I bought a Sony 50″ rear projection TV.  I’d always wanted an HD television and the Colts were going to the Super Bowl, so this was the perfect excuse.  Of course I would have loved getting a plasma, but the prices were way to high for me.  The rear projection was priced pretty well (I can only imagine the type of TV I could buy today for the same price) and it was less that half the depth of my 46″ tube TV.

For the past five years, it has served us well, but earlier this year the warning started appearing on the screen letting us know that he bulb was dying.  For the past three or four months I’ve ignored the warning.  However, the other day I noticed a darker stripe across the top of the screen.  Not a good sign.

Today I’m biting the bullet and buying a replacement bulb, which also includes the housing for the bulb.  I’m told this is the easiest way to replace the bulb and I’m all about easy. In a couple days, I’ll let you know how it goes. Maybe I’ll also tie this event into a life lesson such as how we need a bulb replacement to let our light shine brighter… or something cheesy (but true) like that.

Photo by Melodi T

One thing?  If I could choose one thing?  I’ve never been accused of being a person who could choose just one thing.  And that’s most likely my problem.  I’m the Jack of all trades… I’m mean a Renaissance Man.

I have always had a list of things that I’ve wanted to accomplish.  Often times the length of that list has prevented me from accomplishing anything.  Focusing on one goal at a time is the ultimate challenge for me.  Instead, I can have five projects going and never finish any of them.  A common trait of the right-brained.

One of the goals that I’d always had was to write a book, which I accomplished at the end of 2010.  Prior to this, I had written professionally for several years and completed a multitude of sitcom scripts.  However, what I found in writing all those scripts was that they had very little value unless they were produced.  By writing my book, I was dependent on no one but myself.  Also, I had something I could easily share with others.

At one point in writing my book, I knew that if I were to finish it, it would only happen if I dropped all my other projects.  I couldn’t take the time for the three or four other projects.  I had to put my energy into the book 100%.  It had to be the “one thing.”

So what is my one thing now?  I don’t feel at liberty to write it here.  Not yet.  But I am setting out a plan and preparing myself to focus.  I’m putting everything else on hold.  (Although I did receive a tweet from Casper Van Dien today, so I may have to dust off one of my scripts and send it his way… I hope he’ll consider something that doesn’t feature giant alien bugs.)

I’m figuring that the loneliest number, that “one thing,” will lead to a multitude of opportunity.

The assignment for today was to think of a time when I didn’t think I was capable of doing something, but then surprised myself.  I read this and shelved it mentally.  I figured I’d come up with something as the day went on.  But the day is almost over and I have nothing.

The prompt also asked how I would surprise myself this week.

Considering that I’m typing something right now when I told my wife I was just going to bed because of a need to get to work early, I’m pretty darn surprised that I’ve written this much.  Good for me.

And that’s all the surprise that I can handle for one day.

Photo by Sigurd Decroos

I’ve written about fear before.  My biggest fear.  I don’t think the fear I experience is that uncommon because I seem to read a lot of content on how to overcome it.  Yet reading, writing, and talking about it don’t make it just disappear.  What’s my fear?  I have a fear of failure.

What I’ve learned over time is that the fear isn’t going to ever go away.  Instead I have to make a daily decision to conquer that fear.  I can’t give in to it.

And what I’ve found is that those who fear failure don’t particularly suffer from a paralysis such that they don’t try at all.  Instead, from my experience, those who fear failure, just try something they know they’ll succeed at.  Unfortunately, society encourages this.  We are punished for failure and rewarded for success.  So why try that which you might fail at when you know you’ll succeed at the other?

Is there really a conspiracy as Emerson states?  Maybe not a spoken conspiracy (which is a bit counter intuitive) but it definitely seems that society as a whole would rather everyone pursue mediocrity.  I’ll pass on that.  So as a result I’m going to keep challenging myself to reach higher, to think more creatively, and not back down from adversity.  Daily, I will face my fear.

I have chosen to listen to the voice that says, “I can.”