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My Love/Hate Relationship

February 12, 2010

I’m a big fan of coupons.  I stock pile them.  I keep coupons just in case I might go someplace I’ve never been to before on the remote chance that I just happen to apparate there and need that coupon. 

I really hate coupons too.  I hate the two for one coupons the most when it comes to restaurants.  I don’t need to eat two sandwiches.  My wife would never eat the same sandwich as me.  And it’s a little awkward to invite a friend to lunch and tell them you’ll buy if they’re willing to eat the same sandwich.

To get cute, retailers have labeled this two for one coupon the BOGO (Buy One Get One Free).  It’s bad enough that the coupon irritates me, but they have to be all clever by branding the “bad” deal.  To me, BOGO stands for “we just suckered you into eating at our shop because you thought you were getting a deal, but you didn’t really because you otherwise never would have come in here and spent your money in the first place.”  I know it’s long and doesn’t really go with BOGO,  but I didn’t want to put the effort in to something really clever.

While I think most BOGO coupons are a real turn off, I guess there are some coupons that could be worse.  Actually, there are some business that probably shouldn’t offer coupons at all.

For example, when exactly do you present your coupon at the funeral home?

I can only imagine haggling over the price of burying a loved one while they lay there assuming room temperature?  What if the funeral home offered BOGO?  You can hear Grampa in his best English, Monty Python accent saying in the background, “I’m not dead yet.”

And what if the casket had that “As Seen on TV” sticker on the side?  How about a free set of Ginsu Knives?  But wait!  For only three easy payments of 19.99 we’ll throw in this beautiful urn!  Of course, you’re asking, “If we’re using a casket why would we need an urn?”  And they offer to give you fake ashes as a keepsake for your mantle…

I’ve never seen it, but I’ll bet QVC does a special episode offering a bargain price on caskets.  I can just imagine the hostess climbing in the box to show how comfortable and roomy it is.  I thought I’d seen it all when I saw that Costco was selling caskets.  As I left the store, it was positioned right next to the car they were offering for sale.  Not a good pair for BOGO.

How about BOGO for plastic surgery.  It exists.  Buy a nip, get a tuck.  BOGO breast augmentation.  Actually, this makes some sense.  If you’re doing one, you might as well finish the project and do the second.

So let me encourage restauranteers and retailers to start creating valuable coupons.  Don’t just try to make a sale or make me temporarily feel like I received a deal.  That deal feeling fades pretty quickly (kind of like that feeling when you see a movie and the further removed you are from it, the more you realize it was crap).  Don’t make me feel like a BOGO BOZO later.  Make me a deal, and I’ll comeback.  Give a great value and truly value me, and I’ll value you.  If restauranteers and retailers did that, I’d actually come back even without a coupon sometimes.

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One Response to My Love/Hate Relationship

  1. […] better 50% off, even a BOGO deal sounds more legit than “buy one get five free.”  (Here’s my BOGO rant.)  But once you start offering five with a purchase of one, it should trigger a question of how […]

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